Love is Blind, and That’s Not Always a Good Thing

As we come off the sugar high of that most romantic of holidays, Valentine's Day, I am reminded of all the events I've attended where loving couples have dressed their best. Gorgeous women with perfect hair and amazing dresses, and good looking men in perfectly coordinated suits, because the gorgeous woman with them said, "Here, you will wear this!"

As I watch the crowds mix and mingle, couples exchange kisses and glances. Events like this always put us in a mood of bliss and happiness. Love truly is blind, and this is especially true when it comes to money.

Now I’m not bashing relationships and love. After all, I’ve been happily married for nearly 30 wonderful years and just came back from a phenomenal trip to Australia that was an anniversary trip more than a decade in the planning. But consider this – there is no romance without finance! Study after study has shown that disagreements over money are among the most destructive in relationships. When the good looks and romance fade, that $50,000 in credit card debt will still be there to remind of you what a great time you once had.

So how can you tell if your significant other is a financial ticking time bomb? Here are a few signs I’ve picked up on after 25 years of counseling couples young and old.

They never want to talk about money.
Money is a taboo subject in our society, but it shouldn’t be in any marriage or long-term relationship.

They have significant credit card debt, and no discernible plan for getting rid of it.
If you get married, their debt becomes your debt.

They are always borrowing money from others, including you.
Trust me, they will probably never get around to paying them or you back.

They spend more time looking for work than going to work.
If your better half is constantly out of work, that’s either a sign they can’t commit to something, lack ambition, or both.

You catch them in lies.
Dishonesty in a relationship is never good, but dishonesty about money, in my opinion, is a form of infidelity.

They have no plan at all.
Plenty of people don’t have well-built, comprehensive plans for their finances. But someone with no clue about what they want is a disaster waiting to happen.

Relationships are certainly about more than money and I’ve seen couples with plenty of money and no financial troubles have fights that would curl your toes. But if you are in a relationship you think could end in marriage, remember this – marriage may be an institution, but being in a marriage saddled with financial problems will put you in an institution.

Live Fabulously – Diva

Women Will Inherit the Earth, and All the Money

In the hit 1993 film Jurassic Park, acclaimed mathematician Dr. Ian Malcolm quips, “God creates dinosaurs, God destroys dinosaurs, God creates man, man destroys God, man creates dinosaurs.” His fellow scientist, Dr. Ellie Sattler famously replies, “Dinosaurs eat man, woman inherits the earth.”

Ok, I’ll admit that gives me just a little smile. I mean, wouldn’t it be just like a group of well-meaning, lovable guys who can think of no better way to use their collective talents than to spend years of research and hard work to recreate a bunch of dinosaurs, who promptly turn around and eat them. I mean, if they really wanted to impress us women, they could just unload the dishwasher once every couple months.

Ladies, while I’m fairly certain that the men we love so dearly won’t disappear as dino-snacks, I’m also fairly certain that most of them are going to die before most of us. Don’t believe me? According to an October 2014 report from the Centers for Disease Control, the average life expectancy of an American female is 81 years, compared to 76 years for a male. The reasons range from the fact that men usually take more daredevil risks to the fact that women are more proactive in caring for their health.

Whatever the reasons, if you’re a woman married to a man, the odds are you will outlive him. This means you will end up with all the assets and need to have knowledge and command of your financial plan.

You need to know how much cash you have and where it’s located. You need to know what retirement accounts you have, their balances, when you can start taking distributions, and their tax implications. You need to know where important documents like life insurance policies are. You and your husband need to have an estate plan with wills that detail the distribution of assets and guardianship for minor children. You also need to make sure you have advance directives and medical powers of attorney in place should either of you become incapacitated and need someone to make decisions on your behalf.

Thinking about losing someone we love is not a pleasant thought, but not thinking about it or planning for it won’t keep it from happening. Having your financial affairs in order will make it easier to grieve the one you’ve lost and be strong for others in your family.

 

 Be Fabulous – Diva